47. A Catholic Bride's Guide to a holy, happy and lasting marriage

Girl Talk: Sheila interviews Cassandre about her wedding preparations and the importance of prayer during the engagement and after the wedding. This is Part 2 of the conversation.

Highlights:
9:03 Intuition entrusted in prayer
9:22 When Cassandre's fiance knew she was The One
10:17 "I knew a year and a half before that he was the one."
10:34 "I did not have a list."
11:36 First time Cassandre felt the Lord's presence while praying
12:01 Praying the Our Father
12:47 Wedding planner?
13:46 How do you navigate the wedding decisions? Who decides?
13:59 Amazing moms
14:53 Interior preparation
15:18 The decision of faith
15:35 Praying for our marriage
16:18 Are people praying for you on the Hozana app?
18:38 Impact of community prayer
18:56 "We are called to evangelize"
20:25 Veil + Armour Retreat for Mothers on the Hozana App
21:35 Women need that community of prayer
21:24 "An isolated Christian is a Christian in danger."
22:06 Mothers needing prayer
22:14 We need to uplift our mothers
23:13 How to sanctify social media
23:22 Testimony of prayer
24:07 Prayer intention for friend in distress
24:31 200 people prayed the intention
24:59 Answer to prayer
5:23 Power of Prayer
26:00 Cassandre's next chapter
26:15 Prayers for Cassandre
26:38 Million roses for Mother Mary
26:43 Three million roses for Mother Mary
27:48 Cultural and Spiritual Battle

We appreciate all of your prayers! And for watching, commenting and sharing the episode!
To be clear, there were no paid advertisements for this episode.  

Sheila mentioned the Buy Me A Coffee website which is a way for our subscribers and listeners to help support our podcast apostolate.
https://buymeacoffee.com/sheilanonato

For the free Hozana App, to pray with people around the world, please visit:
https://hozana.org
To pray the Rosary on a free app, the link is: https://rosario.app/en/

Chapters

• 0:00 The Importance of Prayer in Marriage
• 6:13 Finding God's Will in Your Spouse
• 10:53 Spiritual Preparation for Marriage
• 18:23 The Power of Community Prayer
• 24:23 Wedding Plans and Future Hopes
• 28:55 Final Wisdom for Catholic Brides

Transcript

Sheila Nonato: 0:01

Jesus said, "or where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them. What is the importance of prayer in marriage? How can Catholic brides strengthen the foundation of their marriage before and after their wedding? We continue part two of our conversation with Cassandra Verhulst, a young Catholic bride from France, about preparing for her wedding. Here's a recap from last week, and also Cassandra leads the Hail Mary in French. Thank you for joining us and I just wanted to offer prayers for my sister, kate, and a happy belated birthday to her and to my godson, and a big thank you to her and her family for blessing us with a much appreciated donation through Buy Me a Coffee to support our podcast, apostolate, which we are happy to bring to you. Thank you for joining us this week, god bless.

Sheila Nonato: 1:04

Hello and Welcome to the Veil and Armour podcast. This is your host, Sheila Nonato. I'm a stay-at-home mom and a freelance Catholic journalist, Seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the inspiration of Our Lady. I strive to tell stories that inspire, illuminate and enrich the lives of Catholic women, to help them in living out our vocation of raising the next generation of leaders and saints.

Co-Host: 1:27

Please join us every week on the Veil and Armour podcast, where stories come alive through a journalist's lens and mother's heart.

Sheila Nonato: 1:36

Welcome to Cassandre Verhelst, and it is bittersweet, as she is getting married in a week the civil wedding and then the wedding and the church after that.

Cassandre Verhelst: 1:47

I'm super excited to get married, and so, with all of those emotions, I'm looking forward to this new chapter and a new life together with my fiancé.

Cassandre Verhelst: 1:59

(Hail Mary is being prayed in French.) Je vous salue, marie, pleine de grâce. Le Seigneur est avec vous. Vous êtes bénie entre toutes les femmes et Jésus, le<em

Sheila Nonato: 2:05

(Continuation of the conversation with Cassandre Verhelst about her preparation for her Catholic wedding in France.) My prayer life has suffered you know, because there's so many things. When you become a mom, when you become a wife and a mom, you have many things. Well, for me anyway, I had so many things I didn't know how to do, which is I was the feminist career- minded person, so I didn't really know how to cook. I didn't know how to clean and organize things. Um, I don't know. I just thought you could pay someone to do that, but anyway, um, it's terrible, or or you can eat it.

Sheila Nonato: 2:44

I don't know, but yeah, so whenever my prayer life suffers, the communication suffers, yeah, and you know, I mean, yeah, the devil wants to attack a family, right, and the best way he could do that is through the mother, through the wife to the mother, and so the mother really needs a lot of spiritual strength and that interior prayer life has to be really strong, because, I mean, women do work and I do, like you know, I, I do work as well from home, but I do stay at home full time, and not everyone does it. But it's a different kind of you. You know, when I was at work, I could see other people and talk to adults. Sometimes. I don't talk to adults all day, so sometimes you're like I want to get out of here, get out of this house, but it's not because you want to get away from your children, it's just that you, you sometimes forget yourself and you put yourself last, which you know.

Sheila Nonato: 3:43

All mothers, all women, have the sacrificial nature that you know. You have a lot of generosity, uh, towards others. But I think one thing, if there is, again, another thing that I can impart to you is um, yeah, never forget about your, about yourself and your, your needs as a, as a, as a mother, well, as a wife, a woman, and as a child, as a daughter of God. That, yeah, that prayer is so important because you know your relationship with God will really help you cement your relationship with your husband, and that will. That's what, well, for me and my husband too, we did go to mass together too and pray the rosary, so that was what was binding us together, and I understand what you say about, like my husband and I are, so we also have different personalities.

Sheila Nonato: 4:32

So, yeah, so I can understand what you're saying like how do, how does how does this work? Um, because, yeah, I had in my mind I don't know if I told this to my husband, but in my mind I was thinking the perfect, the perfect man guy I don't know was going to this to my husband, but in my mind I was thinking the perfect, the perfect man guy I don't know was going to be somebody. I'd meet them in the library, he'd have like classes and like vocation. I'm not, I'm not saying anything disparaging about anybody, I'm just saying, like you know, like that person, like very, you know, you just love books, reading all day. So I'm like, anyway, my husband is. I mean, he's very smart, but he's in the army, so he does physical work and you know, and he's, he has a very good heart, but he's like masculine. He was the opposite of what I, you know, like the not feminized man, but you know what I mean. Yeah, sensitive man, yeah, no, he's like the masculine man, he's also sensitive. But he was like, and I was wondering, god, this is not the one I was asking you for, because this is like, this is not a feminine man. What do you, you know?

Sheila Nonato: 5:32

But then I thought but then my one of the sisters, I, my spiritual mother, I would consider her Sister Ursula. I was telling her because when I met him, I was telling her all the you know, we would go to mass pray together. I've been thinking about religious life. I'd also never had a boyfriend at that point. So I said, sister, I don't know about this. You know, I was thinking because in my mind I had my own vision of who is it supposed to be. And she said she's been praying for me for a while. She said, "heila, my dear, please don't waste my prayers.

Sheila Nonato: 6:10

And I was thinking, oh, yeah, you know what is this? God's will or my will? And and so I thought, you know, and also I was liberal at that point like yeah, there's no, I really hate labels. But anyway, if you were gonna say, say a label, liberal versus, versus, you know, conservative, like all that, so I was like I don't want to. Yeah, I don't know, this is a manly man Like this is, this is not what I, I was asking for. But really I just, you know, you never judge a book by its cover, really, because they can look like they're masculine, but at the heart you know they're very sensitive. They can look like they're masculine, but at the heart you know they're very sensitive.

Sheila Nonato: 6:47

But, um, but yeah, I just, I just think that the differences, as you were saying, they, they can be overcome, but it has to be. You have to have the will. You both have to have the will and I think when things break down is when both get exhausted and they just don't want to fight. You really have to fight for your marriage. There are times when you have to, because the devil's going to want to. You know he loves it when marriages fall apart, right. There are times when you have to fight for your marriage and the armor of faith that's what's going to help you build that defense system against anything that's going to seek to destroy it, against anything that's going to seek to destroy it.

Sheila Nonato: 7:26

Well, now I'm going to go back to the Bible. I was reading before we were talking. I was reading Jesus' first miracle at Cana, the wedding feast, and how, as you were saying about the differences between men and women, his Mother had an intuition, I guess, or she probably was told by God that ask your son to change the water into wine. And he wasn't sure. But because he was obedient and he loved his mother and I'm sure he knew his mother was also thoughtful to God. So he probably thought you know, I'm going to trust her, and I think that's part in marriage.

Sheila Nonato: 8:00

You also trust and the woman is usually more intuitive. But, yeah, Jesus trusted His Mom and His Mom knew that this is, this is what you're supposed to do, and and I just love that loving relationship that they both they also both had that very strong relationship, uh, with God, and they listened to each other, right, like he didn't dismiss her and say no, no, no, no, no, it's not my time. He did say it's not my time, but he still, he listened, he listened to and then she said listen, actually his her words was do whatever he tells you, right? So she was also not imposing her will, because I'm pretty sure God was telling her to do this. But how do you guys, how did you guys know this was God's will for you, for you both to be with each other?

Cassandre Verhelst: 8:49

It's funny, Sheila, because you're literally saying and a woman is more intuitive.

Cassandre Verhelst: 8:54

For me it was really an intuition and I thought and I and I, I think, I believe that if it's, if it's at the bottom of your heart, it's the Lord that's putting it in there, even if you don't understand, especially if you don't understand, and because faith, the Catholic faith is, we are a lot of not understanding but believing. And so I think that was on my side and on paul adrian's side. I know he, um, so we had been seeing each other for for a while and um, and he went to mass at lunchtime one day when an internship or in his first job, like now, he was working, he was working, he was working, and so he went to Mass during his lunch break and he told me he just got a piece in the middle of the right after I think it was after Actually I don't know when it was during Mass, but he told me that he just knew at that moment that, okay, he's the right one At that moment that, okay, you're the right one, but so it was for him.

Cassandre Verhelst: 10:01

It was one precise moment when it became clear and in his head and for me it really was more in my heart and my intuition, and it was at different moments, which just goes to show that you need to have faith and patience, because I think I knew was knew a year and a half before and so I waited for a year and a half.

Sheila Nonato: 10:26

And did you have? You know, everyone has like the list, you know? Did you have the list? This, this, this is what I want. This is what I want. Did you have that?

Cassandre Verhelst: 10:35

No, I think it was like I don't know if I should say this or not, but for me it's very important that my husband has hands that are strong and big, because he's really reassuring and that's the only criteria that Paul Adrien has. But then in the end I didn't have a list and I think he takes off all the boxes of the existing list because he's tall, he's handsome, he has a nice smile and a big heart and he's very intelligent. So no, I did not have a list. I did not ask St Joseph for side bullet points.

Sheila Nonato: 11:23

And I think I remember from a story you told about the hands how significant that is, because there was one time you were praying, I believe, and you felt the hand of God on your shoulder. Can you tell us a little bit?

Cassandre Verhelst: 11:36

Absolutely. Can you tell us a little bit, if you can? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, no, that was the first time I, um, I felt the lord's presence was, um was in a prayer group when I I felt, um, no, but you're absolutely right, I felt a hand on my shoulder, or a weight on my shoulder, and, um, and, and sometimes and that's also another grace that I that I am lucky to have, when I say that our father and I feel like someone's pressing their, their thumb in the palm of my hand, it's boy, it's feeling. So I and you're not everyone have the luck to to feel, on top of just believing. But yeah, I'm a very tactile person and so hands are the way that you transmit your love for me, and so I think the Lord knows that and he uses that to speak to me, and then I have a fiancé that also has hands to do it.

Sheila Nonato: 12:39

Beautiful, and so what are the next steps? Do you have a wedding planner or you are doing it yourself?

Cassandre Verhelst: 12:45

No, that doesn't really exist in France, at least not in the Catholic sphere I evolve in. But it's funny because in belgium it actually does exist and I have a really good friend who, um who told me he was and it's called the master of ceremony in french. In French, it's like : what the heck is your job, a master of ceremony? And then he explained it to me and then I was like, "h my gosh, that's impressive. And and so the Belgian wedding planner arrives much later on in the timeline and he's essentially there on D-Day and he does the timing and he makes sure everyone's at the right spot at the right time, and he handles the caterer and he has an emergency sewing kit in his backpack and a band-aid and a pain reliever. But here the wedding planner is a team composed of, on the other hand, me and our parents.

Sheila Nonato: 13:46

Okay, beautiful. How do you guys navigate the decisions? If one is it, they just say what does Cassandra want? Is that how they decide? Yeah, it's royal.

Cassandre Verhelst: 13:59

Yeah, amazing. We have amazing moms, really amazing moms, two incredible women and who don't work the same way but who have really at heart to to ask us what, what we want, and to um and when, and to put their intuition at the service also of, um, what they believe we would be happy with. And mom often asks me are you making a choice or are you eliminating? And I find that a good question, because, yeah, what do I want? And so she's by, by another way, asking me can someone make a decision and tell me what you want, rather than saying, okay, very good, do what you want. And so we have two extraordinary moms that are happy to help.

Sheila Nonato: 14:55

And so now, how are you preparing yourself interiorly, spiritually, as you're preparing to become a bride?

Cassandre Verhelst: 15:07

Well. So actually, I I don't know how to answer that question um, I, I think you're never, you're never really ready to take that huge leap of faith, and so you just have to decide that you're ready. I think I've decided that I'm ready emotionally and then spiritually. So, yeah, I often find myself praying for, praying for our, our couple, and praying for our, our marriage, and praying for Paul Adrien, and so I think that that kind of testimony and proof that you're evolving in your head, that you're changing from Lord, please give me this, please, I'm asking you for this, or I'm asking you for this and and and make me better, blah, blah, blah, and also say, okay, back, help me be a better person for, help me understand him better, and I think, maybe by by by reading my, my prayer entries and see.

Cassandre Verhelst: 16:13

Okay, where are the pronouns?

Sheila Nonato: 16:19

And are people praying for you on the Hozana App? Let's go back to the Hozana App. Did you tell them? I think you said you told them and then somebody was praying for you when you said you were engaged.

Cassandre Verhelst: 16:31

Yeah, no it was pretty incredible. So I worked for the Hozana app, which is a prayer site and a prayer application where, um, you have a whole amount of novenas and retreats, but you also have the possibility to entrust an intention and have people pray for your intention, and so, um, so I did two things. I, um I sent an email out saying I was getting married, and I got a lot of answers to my emails with, "ongratulations and I'll be praying for you, and people asked me when the date was so that they could pray for me. So I was really touched by that response and then touched also by sometimes we have to send prayer intentions out to test features, and so I always put real prayer intentions, and so I'm happy to see that 188 people prayed for Paredes Yaini, or seven people prayed for me to be able to find the words to tell my fiancé this or that. And since you only have your first name, that appears. So it's kind of where you have a bit of an anonymous side to saying these prayer intentions.

Cassandre Verhelst: 17:45

So you're really honest and true and by putting something real in your prayer intention, you tickle the desire on the other person's side to really pray for that intention, because they know that, um, it can bear fruit, that their prayer can bear fruit, and so when you entrust your intention, people can pray for it and if you're on the on the receiving or on the reading end, you reach someone's prayer intention and you click on pray and then a little candle lights up for about the time of a Hail Mary, and so you know that, um, you know, seven people, 20 people, 100 people have said a Hail Mary for you. So, and and that is really, I think, incredibly uplifting and incredibly, um, it gives you courage and hope because you know that random people, strangers, are praying for you.

Sheila Nonato: 18:39

Wow, beautiful. And so, as you're preparing to leave Hosanna, what have you learned? What will you take from having worked there, I guess, to your new chapter?

Cassandre Verhelst: 18:52

Well, I'm just impressed that so many people can give their life to mission.

Cassandre Verhelst: 18:57

We're called to evangelize and we're called to to spread the Gospel and that's exactly what they're doing and they're they're, they're using their talents and more that the whole Hosanna team uses their talents for the service of the Lord and they are at the service of the Lord.

Cassandre Verhelst: 19:15

So that's just impressive in itself and impressive in the fact that a small team can a small team can find the funds to make to make this project work, that they have the energy to go find people to accompany them, that we have spiritual directors that give their help and bring us in the right path and, maybe most importantly, that so many people are happy to pray for others and with others and that there's really a sense of community, both in the fact that users around the world sign up for retreats and pray with each other and for each other and the people that create the retreats, so the Sisters of Life, the Shrine of John Paul II, the Franciscan Fires of the Holy Spirit, their fathers, brothers and sisters, and lay people that are preparing content for people to pray more and grow closer to the Lord. So many people are concerned with each other's salvation. It's pretty impressive.

Sheila Nonato: 20:23

Yes, absolutely, and I was really honored. You asked me to write this the retreat for Mother's Day, um, and I was really surprised by, yeah, like, the number of people who signed up. I think we were one shy of 2000 yeah, I'm not going to correct but um, and people's messages like, uh, encouraging, saying that they were felt encouraged by the story. I I shared some stories, some miracles, some losses, but yes, people thought that helped them. You know sort of go if they, when they were going through something, they felt encouraged. And so, yeah, thank you for for asking me to write that. And I've never written a retreat before, but I guess and I didn't expect a lot of people to sign up because I don't know, I just I wasn't sure how my, my retreat was going to be received because I'd never done it before.

Sheila Nonato: 21:15

But I guess people, well women in particular, need that community of prayer that there are some who are feeling. I think in one of the interviews said An isolated Christian is a Christian in danger. And I think the same with mothers, because a lot of motherhood, when kids are young and mothers are at home and they might feel isolated because you know their parents are not around or they don't have a babysitter to help them out in those early years around, or they don't have a babysitter to help them out in those early years. That, yeah, that's when they really need that prayer, because they might feel lonely or like they're wondering what did, what did I get myself into and how will God help me to get through this? Because you know, in the beginning, with diapers and babies, there's not a lot of sleep happening. So they really do need that community and if it is through online at the moment, if that's where they can find that, I encourage you to reach out, because we really need to uplift our mothers and to encourage them to keep going, because the babies are going to grow up. So you're going to get your sleep In the meantime when you're, you're gonna, you're gonna get your sleep, but in in the meantime, when you know you're, you're still in the midst of motherhood. Early motherhood it's, uh, it's gonna be tough, but you know what you're tougher you're. To all the listeners out there, I know you're tougher, right, you went through childbirth, you're you're just tougher than you think you are. You're really so, anyway, um, yeah, what else did you? Sorry, I think we're over time.

Sheila Nonato: 22:48

I know you have stuff to do, but was there anything else you wanted to add? Um, anything that I missed? Uh, or a message from our listeners, who I'm sure you know? Every time you come on, I look at the stats and it's like, oh, they like this episode. You know how to pray, the the one on social media. I think I titled it like how to pray online and how to sanctify social media, or something like this, and that's one of the top episodes. So, yeah, so they really. Yeah, people want to know how to pray. But do you have a message for our listeners or anything?

Cassandre Verhelst: 23:22

But yeah, no, Maybe just one testimony was that I have a friend that broke up with her boyfriend and it was a really tough time because she had lost her little sister in the same summer. So it was so complicated. I was really complicated for her and she kind of scared me because she told me you don't see the point of living if it's just to suffer. And so when someone says that to you, it's really strong because it's a sentence that can go two ways and that can end in dramatic things, and I'm kind of a drama queen so I imagine the worst.

Cassandre Verhelst: 23:56

But I said, okay, I can't do anything for you, I can only be here and I can only pray for you, and I can only get people to pray for you. Because, since I was ever then I thought, okay, perfect, I'm going to put an intention for that friend on the site. And so I put on the Hosanna website Lord, I entrust to you this friend. Please help her heal and help her find a God-fearing man who is willing to commit. And that prayer of intention received so many prayers and just shy of 200, which is which is huge. That means that there are 200 people around the world world that are praying for that friend. Crazy, um.

Cassandre Verhelst: 24:38

and so I told her um to you know, 48 hours later, or a week later, because the intention lasts for 80 hours, and you know that I put your? I just so you know, 48 hours later or a week later, because the intention lasts for 80 hours. Do you know that I put your? Just so? You know, I put your request on Hosanna and I asked people to pray for you, and there are 200 people that prayed for you and I think it really stuck with her because a few months later, she ended up getting back together with that boy but, um, having grown both of them enormously, and she told me, I think the thing that helped me, um, move on during that lapse of time was the fact that you told me that people had people that I didn't know had prayed for me to give me strength, and so I think that's something that I just want to share is the power of prayer and the power of people.

Cassandre Verhelst: 25:29

It's prayer that you don't know. Even I mean it's not because you know someone that your prayer counts more or less, unless for your spouse, but that's another topic. And so just to encourage people to pray for each other and even to pray for people that you don't know, it doesn't matter, it bears fruit. Yeah, so thanks for sharing that. You don't know, it doesn't matter, it bears fruit, yeah.

Sheila Nonato: 25:49

So thanks for sharing that. That is a beautiful story. So I'll be praying for you. As you said, it's this Saturday, right? Your wedding, yes, and then the other wedding Going to pray for that too and your next chapter, and I don't know.

Sheila Nonato: 26:03

I hope I see you again. You are such a wise, you're like an old soul. I hope you don't take offense to that, but you're very young, so I'm not going to get into age because I don't think people like to talk about age, but to me you look like a very smart, emotionally mature, spiritually mature young lady emotionally mature, spiritually mature young lady, and it's been an honor to have been able to get to know you in the past. I think. How many episodes now? Four, five, maybe. It's been a year since we started talking, and I think it was the first. One was the million roses for Mary, mother Mary, yeah. And then you guys achieved this three, is it three million, yeah, roses for Mother Mary. I'm sure she's very happy and that is amazing that people take their time to pray that prayer and offer it for Mary and for everyone around the world who is needing that bit of hope and encouragement. So I hope to see you again, I don't know, God willing. So are you going to stay in France? Are you going to move to another country? Yeah, okay, yeah, staying your friends for the moment? Okay, awesome. Well, if you keep us updated on what's happening with you, we'd love to chat again.

Sheila Nonato: 27:18

How is married life going? You have so much wisdom. To be honest, when I was in my 20s, I don't know. I I needed that wisdom, I was praying for that wisdom. So I, I um, yeah, admire that really truly what you've accomplished, um, and you know just your work with, because some people say prayer doesn't accomplish anything because you don't see, but you don't know, you really don't know the fruits. Right, it is. We are in sort of a you know, cultural. There is a cultural battle going on and a spiritual battle that, again, we only might never see the fruits of our prayers, but somewhere out there your prayer is going to help somebody or possibly even liberate a soul from purgatory, right? But anyway, thank you, Cassandre. Was there anything else you wanted to say?

Cassandre Verhelst: 28:11

Just thank you, Sheila.

Sheila Nonato: 28:13

Okay, well, thank you so much again and have a good afternoon and a blessed week preparing for your wedding.

Co-Host: 28:20

Thank you so much, Sheila,

Sheila Nonato: 28:21

And best regards to your .... no.

Sheila Nonato: 28:23

I don't want to say best wishes. Prayers to your future husband, soon- to- be-h husband and um, and, yeah, looking forward to hopefully more chats with you if you would like to come back.

Sheila Nonato: 28:36

So, God bless,

Cassandre Verhelst: 28:38

Thank you, bye bye Sheila.

Sheila Nonato: 28:40

Bye, thank you, thank you so much bye.

Sheila Nonato: 28:42

Thank thank you so much for joining us and thank you to . for joining us as well before her wedding, and we will continue to pray for her and for her marriage. And the upcoming episode will be about Sacred sacred Intimacy intimacy for Catholic wives. And since my family is preparing to go to , Ohio ohio, for the Catholic Creators Conference, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get this episode out before then for next week, but I hope you stay tuned and next week or then the following week after that, we will have that episode for you with . Dr Sarah Bartel. Thank you so much and have a blessed, blessed day and blessed week. And we are truly humbled and honoured honored to be able to bring this podcast Apostolate to you. And I forgot to " say happy birthday, dad. Love you and hope to see you soon. God bless.

Sheila Nonato: 29:46

Thank you for listening to the Veil and Armour podcast.

Co-Host: 29:49

I invite you to share this with another Catholic mom today. Please subscribe to our podcast and YouTube channel and please spread the word. Let's Be Brave, let's Be Bold and Be Blessed together.