10. St. Joseph, Traditional Masculinity + "Trad Dads" with Joseph Nonato

Join us for a special Father's Day episode of the Veil and Armour podcast as we celebrate fatherhood with my husband, Joseph.

In this episode, my husband discusses the vocation of fatherhood, rooted in faith, devotion, and mutual respect within the family. He shares about the role of fathers as knights, protectors and providers for the family.  By drawing inspiration from Saint Joseph, fathers can navigate the challenges of modern fatherhood and create harmonious, joyful homes for their families.

Joseph elaborates on the role of fathers as silent leaders who guide their families with unwavering faith and strength, emphasizing the critical balance between leadership and silent strength that fathers must strike.

Discover the intricacies of a father's role in creating a harmonious and cheerful home, working tirelessly alongside the mother to ensure the well-being of the family. Joseph delves into the sacrifices fathers make, often giving their best to their loved ones, and modelling the example of Jesus through servant leadership. The conversation touches upon the essential need for fathers to maintain a strong prayer life, rest and rejuvenation, emphasizing how these practices sustain their efforts and add to their quality of life. Fathers are called to mirror St. Joseph’s dedication, creating a home where Christ and the Holy Spirit reside.

During his reflection on fatherhood, Joseph talks about the role of fathers as modern-day knights seeking to serve and protect their families. This episode also highlights fathers' pivotal roles in nurturing their children's dreams and shaping their futures through visionary leadership and unwavering support. My husband also shares a story of how his father, Rod, guided him through challenging times by steering him towards clear goals and strategic plans. Tune in for a profound understanding of fatherhood rooted in faith, devotion, and mutual respect within the family. Praying for all fathers (earthly and spiritual fathers) on Father's Day! Thank you for your service, God bless!

We look forward to hearing from you! Please send a text message on our podcast page, leave a comment and review. We will read comments during the show! Thank you!

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Chapters

• 0:04 Fatherhood and the Role of Fathers
• 10:06 Servant Leadership
• 15:21 The Vocation of Fathers as Knights, Protectors and Providers, and the Role of the Wife and Mother as the Heart of the Home
• 26:52 The Father's Role in Nurturing Dreams

Transcript

Sheila Nonato: 0:04

Hello and welcome to the Veil and Armour podcast. This is your host, Sheila Nonato. I'm a stay-at-home mom and a freelance Catholic journalist. Seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the inspiration of Our Lady, I strive to tell stories that inspire, illuminate and enrich the lives of Catholic women, to help them in living out our vocation of raising the next generation of leaders and saints.

Daughter: 0:27

Please join us every week on the Veil and Armor podcast, where stories come alive through a journalist's lens and mother's heart.

Sheila Nonato: 0:38

Welcome to episode 10 of the Veil and Armour podcast. This podcast was intended for Father's Day and I invited my husband, Joseph, to talk about fatherhood and Saint Joseph, and we are going to start off with a prayer. I'll just welcome my husband now and our son is going to say something: Son: Happy Father's.

Joseph Nonato: 1:02

Welcome to the Veil and Armour podcast. Al right, so my name is Joseph and let's begin with a prayer: In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Let's take a moment to recall that we're in the Most Holy Presence of God. Let's recall ourselves that He can see us, that He can hear us, that He loves us, that He wants the best for us. On this sort of discussion here about fatherhood, let's ask our Blessed Mother to guide us in this particular conversation. Let's say together Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, at the hour of our death, Amen. Our Lady, Queen of the Families, pray for us. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Good.

Sheila Nonato: 1:44

Thank you for the prayer. First, let's start off with what is the role of a father.

Joseph Nonato: 1:52

Most people would sort of define that or at least I would see this as the father is the night protector and provider. Now, obviously, that's taking the example of St Joseph. We didn't get very much from him in terms of words in the Gospels. As a matter of fact, we don't hear anything from him in terms of recorded as to what he said, and he is the epitome of the strong, silent type. And so therefore, I don't know. You take a look at St Joseph and you saw the spirit of the way he works. It's deeds not words. It's a very popular motto in many militaries or in many military units deeds not words, and facta non verba, as we say that in Latin. You take a look at him, he's the knight, he's the protector, he's the provider, he's also the one that provides the leadership in the family. And so, therefore, you can imagine that our Blessed Mother, when she was awoken in the middle of the night there, when St Joseph had his dream and the Archangel said to him you've got to pick up the family and you've got to go, in the middle of the night he basically woke up our Blessed Mother, and said baby's born, you're very newborn. But we've got to go, we've got to take off to Egypt. It's for the good of the family.

Joseph Nonato: 2:59

I can't imagine our Blessed Mother would have argued too much. She would have said, okay, well, you know, he's the leader of the family and so therefore we follow. So therefore, the fathers have this burden of being knight, the protector and the provider, but also the one who's providing that leadership and the direction for the family. It's kind of like if you divide up the job between the husband and the wife or the father and mother. The father is the head of the family, is the leader, he kind of decides, or he's the one who has the burden of which direction the family is going to go. But it's the wife or the mother who's going to be the accelerator, right, she's the one who decides okay, well, how fast are we going to go? And we're actually going to follow that plan. So it's kind of like it's two sides of the same coin there, if you will, but they're both supposed to be going in the same direction.

Joseph Nonato: 3:53

And imagine, like in the perfect family, the Holy Family, this would have been very, very harmonious. I mean, Saint Joseph would have understood that. Yes, here's a, here's the most beautiful, blessed among women. This is somebody who was created by God without original sin and all the burden of any kind of mistake would have been on his shoulders and he would have understood this. But within God's plan, he was the one who understood that he had to lead, he had to protect, he also had to provide. You take a look at the role of fathers and that's kind of like in in a nutshell what fathers have to do these days.

Sheila Nonato: 4:26

The next question how do fathers lead? And just to let our listeners know, if you hear our son, he has been going back and forth asking for things while we had been recording this interview. Thank you for your patience. Yes, so the question how do fathers lead?

Joseph Nonato: 4:44

Well, fathers lead in many ways. Right Again, we go back to St Joseph, and who is the strong, silent type. Principally, the role of fathers is through the example that they have, that they provide. It's often heard that the mother is the soul, and usually if children learn their prayers, the first person they learn it from is usually the mother. But I've heard it written somewhere, I've seen it somewhere and people have talked about this and I've heard this the children, they understand that. Okay, they have to maybe say their prayers.

Joseph Nonato: 5:13

I remember that in my own family, my mother was the one who taught me the Our Father. I remember her sitting at my bedside there and we'd go over the Our Father and the Hail Mary, but it was always something okay, well, that's what mom did, but it really sunk into my soul really that this was something that we all had to do. When I remember running around the house just being a normal I don't think it was three or four years old or something like that running around screaming and yelling and I ran into my parents' bedroom for whatever reason, but the door was closed, happened to be closed, and I barged right in and what did I see? I stopped and I saw my father on his knees and he was saying his prayers. And he was saying it and I can remember like I see his lips moving. He turned to me with a very sort of solemn face as he was continuing to pray and he put his finger up to his lips and, sort of like, made a motion like this, that he was doing something very important.

Joseph Nonato: 6:08

And that image of my father saying his prayers struck me and saying, okay, well, this isn't just something that is an emotional thing, right. I mean, I think that God put men and women together because you have the heart, which is the mother, and the soul of the family, which is the mother. The heart which is the mother, um, and, and the soul of the family, which is the mother, right, but then the father having to be that, I don't know, it's, in many cases, irrational sort of intel. You know the intellectual thing that that mothers couldn't be that. But it's the leadership, that direction, and I suppose when I saw my father doing that, it was like, okay, well, there was a reason behind this. This is something that is manly, this is masculine, that we must do this. Right, it's not an emotional thing, this is something that is is deep into the core of who we are, and maybe it's because I'm a, you know, a male and at the time a boy, and I saw my father doing that and I believe that if I talked to my sister she would have also the same sort of reflection that, okay, well, you know, the mothers set the heart and the soul and the tone of the home right and of the family, but the fathers there become that intellectual direction, that rational direction, and then we have to do it because it is right and it's because we must do, and I suppose also, perhaps, maybe fathers, or maybe the direction that they take is more out of duty, right, oftentimes in my own fatherhood there are many things that I do that it's not you don't feel like it, I just don't feel like doing it. But what's the right thing to do? We have to take care of the kids and we have to be that backbone we have to take, we have to provide that structure for the family and when the kids are all emotional or running around or whatever like this, there has to be some sort of somebody who doesn't get emotional, doesn't get overly emotional in the sense that, and rationally approaches things. So fathers in many ways sort of lead that way and obviously with the example.

Joseph Nonato: 8:00

Unfortunately, in the public media and in entertainment and in the TV shows, oftentimes fathers are portrayed to be like absolute idiots, and in a lot of the children's TV shows that I sort of observe, he was overly quirky, the mother there is kind of like eccentric, and it's always the kids who seem to know much more or better than the parents, as if there's no leadership that's there, but the father seems to be one that's trampled all the time, oftentimes being portrayed as the one who does a really ridiculous job at work or something that the children don't understand, and then the father just worried about his toys and maybe it'd be golf or computers, or playing on the lawn or doing something that is absolutely, you know, I don't know, whatever. It doesn't contribute to the family, it doesn't have any spirit or substance to it and oftentimes you see, the fathers are portrayed as such and it's very sad, because a true fatherhood is leadership. As a matter of fact, we have to take the burden of the family in the same manner as it is the cross right, it is the cross, and so if there is a burden to be carried of the family. It is the father who has to take this role on it is this, is he has to be Christ to the family. I've also heard it said that the husband and the father have to squeeze themselves out for the good of the family, for the wife and for the children, especially In the military, good leaders are the ones who get up before everybody else, go to bed after everyone else for the sake of making sure that everybody else is taken care of.

Joseph Nonato: 9:35

It is always welfare of the soldiers that is the motivating factor of a good, true leader. And so I know of many officers and senior and non-commissioned officers like that. They would always do that as well. They would make sure that they were the last ones who went to bed after making sure that their soldiers were taken care of, but it was the first ones up. Also, leaders would be the ones who eat last, right, always eating last, making sure that the best goes to the people who they serve. And the same thing happens in a family, right, the burden has to happen.

Joseph Nonato: 10:06

In a family, the father has to provide, along with the mother, a good and happy, cheerful home right, a good and happy, cheerful Christian home right, and understanding that this home that we have is like a Bethany. This is where Christ is supposed to live. Here, christ lives with us, the Holy Spirit is here, and so, therefore, the father has to squeeze himself out for the good of the others. And how does this manifest itself? Well, the best pieces of food that are being served out should go first of all to the wife and to the children, and, as you know, in the practice I always wait for you to eat first before I eat Out of wait for you to eat first before I eat, out of respect for you, right, like you know, to say okay. Well, it's a little way of showing that I love you and also to show the children that I have respect for you as their mother. But also, you know, the best pieces of meat or the best pieces of thing should go to the children, and the less desirable things I you know, as a father, should be something that takes more of. I don't know.

Joseph Nonato: 11:02

I remember that you watch this really nice movie, the Cinderella Man, and the actor there was portraying a father, and anyways, they were impoverished, the family, and I guess there was only one small bologna or something like this, two pieces of bologna that were left for the meal for that day, and so the mother cooked it up and was going to give one to the father before he went out to look for work. And then the children woke up and the little child came up to the father and said to the father you know, "I'm hungry, are you going to have that piece of meat? And I remember the actor saying okay. Well, no, you know, as a matter of fact, I had this wonderful dream last night where I was eating this big feast, right, and I am stuffed, and so therefore, you can have it right. And he gave it up for his children.

Joseph Nonato: 11:50

And you can see fathers doing this over and over again right, giving the best for their children. Well, that's what fathers are supposed to do, right. Fathers are supposed to squeeze themselves out in their work, in their prayer, especially all for the service of the family. That's what St Joseph did. I've also heard it said that this is probably the reason why many fathers will die. Good fathers will die sooner than the mother. It's because they're supposed to give their life for the family. There's a lot of truth to that. This happens all the time, but you can see that good fathers will work themselves to the bone for the good of the family. So I suppose, for the role of the mother is to make sure that the father doesn't completely overly work himself and make sure that the home is something that takes the lead. What the father is trying to do Right, so that there's harmony between the whole family, that is there, right. That there's harmony between the whole family, that is there right. And of course, the father's protector provider, as I said, is also the protector of the family. Right, so that the family doesn't do themselves in or self-destruct. I mean there is a certain amount of virtue that has to be lived as well.

Joseph Nonato: 12:58

Often times, you think about the Ten Commandments. God is our Father, gave us rules, he gave us structure. He provided all this first, because the Ten Commandments are there, right, and the commandments of God is that the law of the church is really there so that we know how not to destroy ourselves, because we as human beings are automatically going to self-destruct. I mean we're only selfish. That's really who we are. Right, it's part of our nature. We think about ourselves first. What does God ask us to do? Love God, love neighbor, and so therefore, god gives us that structure.

Joseph Nonato: 13:32

Well, the father also should provide rules for the family in order, so that the children themselves don't give in to their own vices. They all have this and bad habits and whatnot, and so therefore, the father has to provide that structure within the home, provide that to the rules that are there. Also, that structure and that discipline is, in a great manner of speaking, protecting the family, protecting them sometimes for themselves, especially the children. The children want to do what they want to do and they only want to do it when they want to do it. And I've also heard it said that sometimes the role of a father is there to protect the mother from the children. Sometimes, right, the children sometimes will they gang up on the mother or whatever, without knowing it and stuff. So it is the role of father to make sure that the mother is respected and loved in many ways, protecting, providing leadership, just like St. Joseph.

Sheila Nonato: 14:32

If you give 100% or more, how do fathers, how do you rejuvenate yourself?

Joseph Nonato: 14:39

Well, we have to understand that fatherhood is a vocation. Fatherhood is a vocation it's like being a husband, husband, and fatherhood is a vocation in and of itself. And so, as a result, you have to go to the source of all the strength, which is Christ himself. And so this has to be carried out through prayer In order to rejuvenate. Physical rest is a good thing. There has to be that good amount of physical rest that's there, otherwise you can end up having that squeezing out of the Father, find yourself shortening that man's life a lot sooner than he should have. That is necessary, really, where that rejuvenation comes in should be through prayer, especially through love for Our Lady. Every man needs to be a knight, needs to have a lady to fight for. Obviously, just like we were always encouraged by the church right, fight for Our Lady, right, be the knight who is running out there to fight for her favors. Just like in the old days when knights would say to a particular lady I fight for you, but then understanding that fathers fight for the honor of our lady but also for her wives, the wives have to sort of take that rule and understand that men good men really fight just to please their wives. They do everything to sort of please their wives and sometimes it's a tip there for the wives that are out there. It's like you know, sometimes watch what your husband is doing and your husband, whatever his love language is, might be that he's slaying dragons for you, right, he's going out there to slay dragons for you, and sometimes, okay, people have different love languages and whatnot. You may have to sort of recognize what your husband is doing, but understand that really what he wants is an approval, a sense of approval from you, his wife, right, and so sometimes that could just even be, you know, a smile or an acknowledgement or making a look thank you very much for, I don't know, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage? I don't know mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, I don't know whatever, cleaning the gutters or doing whatever. So to find our rejuvenation obviously starts off with prayer, also goes to rest those are very important things but also goes through.

Joseph Nonato: 16:49

Okay, you know men want to know if they've accomplished the mission. Many men that I know are mission driven. They get themselves on an objective, all right, they say okay, well, what is the problem here, and whatever, and they just they want to cruise on to solve the problem. That's the way that they're, that men are programmed to solve problems, right. Finish the mission. So I don't know, a tip for the wives is like let your let your husbands know when they've accomplished the mission for you, right. Let them know when they've, when that you're happy that they slayed the dragon that they believed is out there threatening the family, right, or the big task that is for the good of the family, right. And in doing so it helps, because then the children also see that the father has actually done something out of love for the mother, right, and out of love for the family, and that the father has actually done something out of love for the mother, right, and out of love for the family, and that the mother appreciates what the father has done.

Joseph Nonato: 17:44

And so also, when you take a look at providing for the family, one of the things is that I read it once where men would go out in the olden days I suppose in the days of the cavemen or maybe not so long ago and it would be the job of the men to go and hunt, right? I read this in a story of an African family. I think it was in Senegal or Cameroon or something like that. Anyways, the job of the men would be to go out there and hunt, and then they would bring home whatever they caught. But there was this beautiful ceremony where the husband would kneel down in front of the wife, who was also kneeling down in front of him, and the husband would give whatever he caught to the wife and the wife would accept that and then turn it into something beautiful. So it's almost like going back to your original question about leadership and whatnot. The husband sets the direction and sets the course, but it is up to the mother to create something with that, to create something with the home that you have together, create something with the resources which the husband sort of brings home and provides for the family, right, and use that into something that is good.

Joseph Nonato: 18:44

So another, I guess another tip that husbands like to see is that the resources being used. Well, you know, because if a husband is squeezing himself for the good of the family, that he's really literally giving his life, literally giving his life for the family, and so, therefore, to set the children okay, well, do something simple like turn off the lights. Turn off the lights when you're not using them. Turn off the faucet when you're not using them or use your school supplies. Well, things like this, right, teaching them order and whatnot.

Joseph Nonato: 19:15

It's like to show that okay. Well, things like this, right, teaching them order and whatnot. It's like to show that, well, these resources, which were so hard fought by the father and obviously there are mothers that will work in the family as well but these resources must be well taken care of. And I say this too because many fathers, they identify themselves with their job, right. Men identify themselves with their job, right. You think about the conversations that go around with men what do you do? What do you do Right? And really, the profession is who they identify themselves with. Right, they identify themselves, their self-worth, with what they do right, their profession or what their occupation is. And so, therefore, if that's the case, then men will take that whole gift that's brought home. They'll take it a little bit more personally than if the resources are not used well, right.

Sheila Nonato: 20:03

So one of the most remarkable things about you, and I'm very grateful for, is, for the past 14 years, every day you come home, whether it's from school or the army, from work, and you're always smiling and cheerful. And how, how have you been able to do this? Why and how?

Joseph Nonato: 20:20

Well, we were taught that, okay, well, in the cross that we have, that are given to us from christ, yeah, it's a cross. Going to work sometimes is a cross. There are all sorts of things that happen at work and you're basically, I suppose no soldier in combat is actually smiling, unless they're some kind of psychopath, right, that smiling because they're in combat or because they're taking on hardship. But where does that joy come from? Where does that smiling come from? You're living out your vocation, understanding that God, the Father, has given this work because there is the purpose that's there, and the purpose is really the vocation of living out as a husband and a father. You've been given the opportunity to work in order to provide and so therefore, yes, it is difficult at work.

Joseph Nonato: 21:07

Not every single day is an easy day. However, I remember hearing something from Scott Hahn and saying that whenever he crossed a particular highway Han and saying that whenever he crossed a particular highway, he would try to make a mental decision that whatever problems were going to be left behind that highway right For myself there coming home. Obviously, you know that we cross a particular body of water and there's this gigantic bridge that we have to cross. You know, I always try to imagine the same thing too. Right, and as soon as I cross the bridge, whatever problems that are at work are going to be on the one side of the bridge, and I'm going to cruise on from the other side onto the other side of the bridge, almost like having crossed the River Jordan, if you will, or whatever and into the promised land, and the promised land being our home. And then, when I go back to work, as soon as I recross the bridge, I pick up the baggage and carry on from there.

Joseph Nonato: 22:00

So the burdens from the previous day. But it is good not to take home any of those burdens. And the other thing too is it's an offering to the family. Sometimes it's not easy, but you stand in front of the door and you go, "Okay, well, the objective here is to provide a happy, cheerful Christian home, and so therefore, again, as the protector of the family, you cannot take the burdens of the outside world and bring them home. It's the right before you walk into the door. Sometimes it takes a second right, readjust and say, okay, this is the reason why I'm doing it, put a big smile on your face and then open up the door and then see, so that the children understand, okay. Well, they're happy to see you, right? And then our son always asks and so how, dad? How was your day, did you have a good day?

Joseph Nonato: 22:49

And my answer always I try to make it is that yeah actually my day was okay, but it just got a whole lot better when I saw you, right, and because, of course, they're the point, they're really the point of everything that we do, right, I mean, so, you know, the mothers are at home, and we can have a whole conversation about mothers being the best vocation.

Joseph Nonato: 23:09

Really, fatherhood is there to support the motherhood, which is the point, right, I mean, the children are our vocation, right, and so the whole thing works together, and this is why God put man and woman together, made them as one, right, but, yes, the father who has been out there doing stuff facing the world, right, not to say that mothers don't face the world too, but the burden of the father cannot take home anything, right, he should not. And so, therefore, you know, St. Josemaria Escriva used to teach that, okay, well, fathers should be cheerful at home, they should be the ones who you know. Fathers and mothers should be cheerful. But as for me, it's the same thing as in my role as a father and as a husband. Right, Don't take home anything, right, that should stay at work, right, the burdens of that are the burdens of that world, right? And so there you go.

Sheila Nonato: 23:59

So when you're saying being cheerful at home and having this resilience to take on the responsibilities of fatherhood, it sounds like you learned a lot from your own father. What message do you have for your father? What did you learn?

Joseph Nonato: 24:13

I learned everything from my father. I owe to both my father and my mother my vocation, and also it's that whole thing, as I said to you before, about protecting and providing, and whatever. I talked to you already about prayer. I'll share with you another memory. I remember that leadership. I remember the one time there was a family sort of argument or not an argument or some kind of difficulty in the wider family and I remember that the person who was the one who everybody ran to and it came about, I guess the whole thing came crashing down in the middle of the night and I remember realizing that after a quick phone call, a bunch of phone calls that everybody was descending on our house, probably at around midnight, one in the morning, something like this, I was already in my pajamas and I probably at around midnight, one in the morning, something like this, I was already in my pajamas and I remember people coming to the door in the middle of the night these are our relatives to talk to my father and understanding that, okay, well, my father is doing his job as a leader, not only for my family but for the wider family right, all of our relatives and friends. So that's another thing. I recognize my father as a leader and he was always like the one who you'd go to if you wanted to solve a problem, and even for myself, right. I always looked up to him and I and now I try to be the same thing, right, try to be provide that leadership, and for my own family. But the other thing, too, is in terms of being a provider.

Joseph Nonato: 25:55

I remember being downtown once as a little boy and I was walking by my father's side, and I think this was in Chinatown, I think in Toronto, and and I looked at him and I didn't know what was going on. But he said, son, get in the store, shut the door, boom. And I remember shutting the door and it was cold outside and it was warm on the inside of that restaurant. It was kind of like a bakery, and so there was all sorts of condensation on the window, so I really couldn't see outside, but I could see my father facing down this man who was I don't know, he must've been under some sort of like substance or whatever, but he was being pretty aggressive towards my father and everybody else around him. But my father faced that down and so I just want to thank my dad for both, for all these great examples of being a pious man right, being the leader spiritually and also being the leader in the family right, not only for our own family but the wider family. Right, and also providing for us right.

Joseph Nonato: 26:52

All these you know, I remember many years when you know my father being struggling and things like this and tried to make sure that we all had food on the table and that kind of thing. But for the entire time I remember we didn't really feel it. We always had something to eat. It didn't touch us. It was almost sort of like that principle that I said to you. He didn't bring home anything. He didn't bring home any of the problems, even though I knew he had tons of problems on his heart, right, because of work troubles that were there and then so that being that leader, that pious leader as well, and then the provider, and then the protector, right.

Joseph Nonato: 27:28

So, knight, protector and provider, that's again what St. Joseph has shown us, and I think that we, as husbands and fathers, would always do well to take the example of St. Joseph, the strong and silent man who led the Holy Family through obviously very difficult times. But you can see that being the model of the role that we're supposed to take example from right as a Holy Family in our own lives. Well, speaking of fatherhood, our son has been coming here to interrupt and to ask certain things there. Well, that's okay, this is part of a veil and armor is not in a studio like this. We're sitting here and obviously family is around, so good.

Sheila Nonato: 28:08

From the story that you just told, it sounds like your father has always been in your corner, has always been the leader and leading you to become a leader yourself. How did your father help you achieve your dream, your goal of becoming a soldier?

Joseph Nonato: 28:27

Well, I remember my father was very good about this. I remember he asked me once he said what do you, son, what do you want to be? And at the time I was having academic problems, I suppose, trying to figure out where I fit in. I wasn't doing very well, right, academically I wasn't doing very well. I suppose in many ways I needed a bit of direction. And my dad said to me well, so what do you want to do with your life?

Joseph Nonato: 28:50

I remember being in class there and it was I think it was eighth grade, actually I'm pretty sure it was eighth grade, and the teacher had asked me the same thing in front of the entire class and I said to them I think I want to join the army and everybody in the whole class laughed. They laughed me down. There were only a couple of my friends who didn't laugh right, because they kind of knew that I wanted to do this, but for some odd reason everybody else laughed. And I remember my father asking me around the same time because it was grade eight, going to grade nine you had to go and pick your courses for university. You had to pick your courses for high school, which were going to shape university, and back then they had a system here in our province of basic, general and advanced, and basic means that you're probably going to go. If you took basic courses, you're probably going to go to a vocational school. General courses meaning that you're probably going to go to a community college, and then for advanced meaning that you're streamed for university. And so what ended up happening was that, I suppose, because of the academic difficulties that I was having, everybody thought that I was probably basic academically or probably no better than general. They didn't think I was university material.

Joseph Nonato: 29:56

So I remember, while all of this was going on in the background, my father asked me so, son, what do you want to do with your life? What do you want to do for a career? And I said well, same thing that I said in class, and I was expecting to get a laugh down as well I think I'm going to join the army. And my father said, okay, so that's good. What do you want to do? And I said, well, I think I'll just join the army I was thinking maybe as a non-commissioned member. And my father said okay, son, and not that there's anything wrong with non-commissioned members. He said, however, if you're going to do that you should go in as an officer, and I said well, dad, I can't do that because I don't have the academics to become an officer. And he goes, well, then we have to sort this out. So I remember he sat me down and he showed me. Okay, well, he gave me a dream. He said well, if you're going to become an officer, you should probably go to an academy, and at the time I didn't even know that Canada had its own equivalent of West Point.

Joseph Nonato: 30:56

So I started looking into military academies in the United States. I remember getting all this documentation and then laying it out in front of me and my father basically said okay, well, here we are right now in your grade eight year. For grade nine and onwards, this is what you got to do, right, and by grade 13, we had next year the bonus of a five-year high school. At the time, back when I was in high school, he said okay, well, if you're going to go into university, and especially one of the academies, this is what you're going to need. It all turned out that, okay, well, I realized that there was a Canadian academy, the Royal Military College, here in Canada, and he said okay, well, hon, if this is what you want to do. You want to become an officer. These are the marks you need. And he worked me backwards. He said this is what you got to take in your grade 13 year, this is what you got to take in your 12, 11, 10, 9. And therefore, son, this is the marks that you're going to need to get.

Joseph Nonato: 31:48

And so he kind of gave me a vision. He was and that's what leaders do You're supposed to give a vision. Right, he gave me a vision as to what is possible. Right, he gave me this ideal. Right, he gave me a dream and something to work forward to.

Joseph Nonato: 32:03

And then, yeah, it began, my idea that, yeah, I'm going to become an officer, even though a few months prior to that, I was laughed down by everybody, including the teacher, I'm pretty sure, right, when I said that I wanted to join the army, and at the moment I was thinking just enlisting, when I think people were thinking about it as that I was just going to throw myself into that because there was nothing else.

Joseph Nonato: 32:22

There was nothing else for me. But my father gave me a vision, saying okay, well, use your head, be a gentleman, be an intellect, be somebody who's an officer, somebody who is virtuous, somebody who has self-respect for himself Not to say that the non-commissioned members don't. But there's a certain amount of responsibility that an officer has in being that person at the top who, as an officer, it's lonely, especially when you're in command positions. You're the one who's making the decisions and you have advisors around you, but you're the one who makes the decisions. So in the case of that, it takes a person of strong character, somebody with virtue. So, in the case of that, it takes a person of strong character, somebody with virtue, somebody who has that sense of formation behind them, right Intellectually and spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. It has to be a well-rounded, complete person. So my father gave me that vision is to do that and I think that, well, it's not a thing. I owe my life to my father. Having said that, our little son is just running around.

Sheila Nonato: 33:22

Thank you for coming and telling your story and informing us of the role of the traditional father what I'd like to call Trad Dads being the knight, protector and provider. And what would you say to our listeners?

Joseph Nonato: 33:41

What Father's Day message can you share with them? Well, I would hope to think that everything that I've been saying here is a Father's Day message to my father. Thanks, dad, I love you very much.

Sheila Nonato: 33:48

Thank you for joining us today and I hope Father's Day is every day for you and we're going to be working on that Just to share with our listeners.

Sheila Nonato: 33:57

One story about my husband is that before we were married we had decided to save our first kiss for our wedding mass, and if it wasn't meant to be then obviously there wouldn't be that. We wouldn't reach that. Another thing about my husband is that he had asked my father we had dinner at my parents and he had asked him first if he could date me. He could court me and I really appreciated that because he had shown respect to my family and that's something that's very rare nowadays and I guess I'm glad this concept of the traditional father, hopefully, will be making a comeback in that it will help to instill respect for the dignity of women and I'm grateful and I'm honored that you had shown that to me and now you are modeling that for our daughters and our son. The dignity of women is so crucial, so important, and our faith also upholds that, especially through Our Lady, and I hope everyone has a wonderful week and we will close with a prayer. Thank you.

Joseph Nonato: 35:03

Let's pray to St Joseph then. O St Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so proper for the throne of God, we place in thee all our interests and desires. O St Joseph, do assist us by that powerful intercession and obtain for us from thy divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, our Lord. So All spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, our Lord, so that, having engaged here below the heavenly power, we may offer our thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of fathers. O St Joseph, we never weary contemplating thee and Jesus' sleep in their arms. We dare not approach while your pose is near their heart. Please press them in our name and kiss this fine head for us and ask them to return the kiss when you draw our dying breath. St Joseph, patron of departing souls, please pray for us. Amen. Our Lady, queen of the Families, please pray for us. Holy Mary, hope, seed and wisdom, pray for us.

Sheila Nonato: 35:42

Thank you for listening to this week's episode. The idea of servant leadership is an example we see in Jesus, who washed the feet of his disciples. He counseled that the last shall be first and the first shall be last. The sacrifice that fathers make every day as they work and provide for the family is what may be called the trad dad example A father who leads, who models masculinity and leadership. Bill Mayer had a monologue about the trad dad for Father's Day. He makes the case for structure, discipline and authority in parenting. He was also saying that traditional fathers don't try to be their children's best friend, but they act like parents who set boundaries, tell their children no and prepare their children for life's hardships.

Sheila Nonato: 36:27

My husband was talking about self-sacrifice, and this is something that I also saw with my own father. Before we came to Canada, my father was promoted to be the vice president of a very large bank in Manila. However, he gave that up after our application to immigrate was approved. He gave up that career opportunity for a chance at a more stable future for his young family. In my opinion, the quintessential virtue of a traditional father is humility before God, being humble enough to know that they don't have all the answers, but God does. They know they're not in control. It's God who is. My husband and I aren't perfect and we know that, which is why my husband prioritizes his spiritual life as the source of his inspiration, his rejuvenation and his strength. God, family, job, country and community those are his top priorities. We salute all fathers on Father's Day. We thank you for your hard work and sacrifices.

Sheila Nonato: 37:23

My husband has been deployed three times and he has always prioritized his spiritual health. Even in the middle of a desert, he has tried to go to Holy Mass whenever he could during those deployments. This was the source of his strength, his mission and his purpose. When my husband was deployed during our marriage, he always said that whenever he came back and received a medal for that service, it was always a medal that we earned, that our family earned. Our children need good role models, and fathers who show their strength through their humility before God is a great example for our children. To see that we rely upon God, we rely upon faith and that we are not in charge, we give control over what will be happening to us, over our future, trusting in God that even through life's difficulties he is there, that he is with us, that he is carrying that cross with us and for us, and I thank my husband for that example of faith, for being the rock of faith for our family.

Sheila Nonato: 38:50

I consider him my prayer warrior, our prayer warrior, that he prays unceasingly, that he prioritizes his spiritual life and his prayer life, spiritual direction, retreats circles. He is our knight in shining armor, and that is what all fathers are. They are the knights who, as my husband says, slays the dragons. And whenever he comes home, as he mentioned in our conversation, he leaves all of the baggage, all of the stresses at the door and he always enters the door with a smile on his face and always has positive things to say. And that takes great courage and great self-restraint and patience to do. But he has done it for the past 14 years and I truly appreciate that about him and I want to learn from him. And this is a sign of how God can work through us that the cross, the little crosses that we bear, can be transformed, can be offered up for a greater purpose.

Sheila Nonato: 39:46

In next week's episode we will feature Father Rob Galea, an internationally acclaimed singer and songwriter, and a priest in the Sandhurst Diocese of Victoria in Australia. Please join us for that episode. Have a great and blessed week. God bless, thank you. Thank you for listening to the Veil and Armour podcast.

Daughter: 40:06

I invite you to share this with another Catholic mom today. Please subscribe to our podcast and YouTube channel and please spread the word. Let's be brave, let's be bold and be blessed together.